Yep, "one great leap for Mankind"

Walking up to the podium was a grotesquely obese female figure.  Her dumpy clothes and preternatural blond hair generated a nimbus that lacked all class and authenticity. Her topic proved to be just as insubstantial as her appearance: 1969, the year.  And while the last thing I wanted to do at the moment was to listen to some college kid talk about the year 1969, the circumstances rendered it necessary for me to listen and provide some feedback.

Apart from her lamentable appearance and over-reliance on notes, her presentation wasn't terrible. The actual information given, on the other hand, bordered on the self-parody.  But because I was there to critique the presentation, not content, I refrained from jotting down the obvious stupidity riddled in the info.  And now I know why I started a blog.

She starts off by voicing the oft-quote, "one small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind." Strangely, she neglects to talk about either Neil Armstrong or NASA, but instead uses the quote to characterize the entire year.

She supports her assertion that the year 1969 was "a giant leap for Mankind" by adducing three points.  The first was that the gay activists in some bar stood up to the local policemen.  The second was that the ladies started wearing some clothes that my mind prohibits me from remembering.  And the third was the rising phenomenon of married divorcees; to paraphrase her, "for the first time, it was now a common occurrence that a man with three children will get divorced and marry a women who also has three children and is divorced."

I looked around the room to see if anyone had the same reaction I had.  If the audience was flabbergasted, then they didn't show it.  But I was comforted by the low volume applause she received once it was over.

But after having some time to think about it, I guess she really wasn't so wrong after all.  Gay activism and increased divorce rates really were a great leap for mankind.  Just not in the direction she hinted at.

The lovely Apple Conspiracy

In looking at the vast scope of outlandish ideas generated by all spectrums of the political and socioeconomic sphere, there lays a conclusion that cannot be denied: there is a part of the brain that gravitates toward conspiracy theories. And utterly preposterous ones at that.

First you have the Nationalists, accusing environmental globalists of using Government to materialize their green-envirotopia they’ve been envisioning since the 70’s. 

The TEA party doesn’t subscribe to a conspiracy theory per se, but their constant blathering about how Obama is “trying to destroy this country” may as well be one.

And then you have the Ron Paul supporters, the most naïve of them all, who characterize the great leviathan that is the Federal Reserve as a boom-bust machine that can single-handly drive the economy into the third-world abyss of grass huts. 

And yet we all know these conspiratorial musings are nothing than fabrications that contradict everything we know to be true.

What the real truth is, a truth that is every bit as conspiratorial but with the added benefit of actually having veracity on its side, is Apple co. plotting World Domination.

Unlike the three above, Apple PWD is actually proven by the relevant facts as well as being a theory that is approved by the great arbitrator that is common sense. 

Nothing looks the same once one has adopted the APWD paradigm. Steve Jobs, being every bit as brilliant and  geniuslike as Apple fanboys make him out to be – the smartest man of all time if you asked them -  knew that advancing technology would endow for the first time the capacity for one man, or one company, to rule the world.  Steve Jobs’s ultimate goal was to infect the love of his technology upon the rest of the world.  He has done exceptionally well in this regard, as apple has garbled up the market shares of the techno-world like a shark taking over a pond consisting of a few gold fish. And everybody loves the shark too, as the cult of Apple is without a doubt the fastest growing religion of all time. (Now you have the Cross, the Crescent, and the Bitten Apple, could this be a sign of the end times?)

In order to capitalize on an increasing market share, Fruity Steve had to make sure that he and his company, not the individual owner, could control the millions of devices out there, so he locked all apple products into a closed system. 

This was a critical step in Apple’s World Domination Plan.  As you cannot control the world with devices you do not have control of. 

As anybody with an intelligence surpassing that of Al Gore – which is to say, everyone – knows, technology is advancing with an ever increasing apace.  Apple fanboys are mesmerized by the new Siris feature of the iphone 4s.  But just as someone from the nineties would go into shock were he transported into the future twenty years later, these apple fanatics haven’t seen the vast horizons of future technology.  Soon, the singularity will be materialized as artificial intelligence will surpass humans in every single way.

This is the next critical step in Apple’s World Domination Plan: develop sufficiently advanced technology to control other people.   The iphone, considered now to be a great liberator, allowing its owner to do a whole host of things, will be the enslaver of mankind. It will be Steve Job’s one ring to rule them all. The iphone will monitor your every move. Heck, it will control your every move.  Everyone sucked into iphone’s grip will be a pawn to Apple headquarters.  Its technology will render it possible for it to determine the victim’s brainwaves and states of mind, which lead inevitably to his actions.  Everyone, from the unwashed masses to the political elite will be a slave to every Apple whim. But considering the fervent dedication Apple fanboys have for their slick, handsome devices, Apple may not have to exercise coercion at all; and that may be the scariest part about it.

No wonder Steve Jobs never gave to charity; he had to spend every last penny in creating the New Apple World Order.  George Orwell didn’t have a clue.   

And the best part of it all: no one will be able to stop it because Apple products cannot broken into.  How lovely of Steve Jobs to create his Technofascist vision.